Wander

This is me ---> X_X

i feel dead ._.

and im here to report my current status.

So far, i have not studied any other topic except for econs which i totally flunked in today's exam ._.

Yes, throughout the whole month, i have been wasting time ._.
Not on training, not on playing, just plain stoning ._.

I only went bowling three time in the entire month...
i didnt study much at all..
and when i realize theres only two days left, i waste it away by surfing around youtube for funny videos ._.

so im stuck with only a few hours to study for the topic that comes the next day ._.

anyway, as i walk home after buying lunch and dinner, i just start to wonder about life again ._.
I'm really wasting my life ._.
i wish i can find something that makes me really passionate about ._.
something that i can relate to with my life ._.
something that i will devote my whole life to...
i donno what it is...
I start to feel like quitting school again...

haih, this time instead of the emo ness i had like last time,
all i feel now is complete emptiness...

What can i do?

Tried to

Hopefully nothing will go wrong with my posts again =.=
im sick of blogger screwing things up.

anyway, i wanted to talk about things that i wish i were xD

Haha, yea i know it will be really childish, but hey nobody reads stuff here anyway lol.

Anyway, recently i have been looking at some animes here and there, and then i saw a few videos about drawing, and read a few mangas here and there.

I guess i remembered how badly i wanted to be able to draw.

Its not just about using it as a medium to achieve my dream.

I really look up to these artists.
Being able to express and convey personalities through a few lines.
Thats whats its all about xD

Making a person go through an experience is something,
conveying it to them through words is another,
expressing it in ONE picture is a whole different thing.
that's why i look up to artists.
I saw this video of a talented anime drawer who has only started for 2 years ._.
but his work was fabulous,
he's so good that he developed his own way of drawing/painting eyes
which is used in visual novels to convey life in just one picture.

Then i saw a few J-rock videos and Funtwo (the guy who had 60mil views on youtube for playing Canon on his guitar)
It just make me want to learn the electric guitar even more...
but what i really want to have,
is to be like them, able to express themselves honestly.

Then i saw a few dance and stunts videos...
I know i always have a sudden burst of inspiration to do something just because i see it from the videos...
but today i watch them...
and i think that i should do something ._.

argh.. what am i thinking...
I just watch youtube live 08...
and then i see all these people lives' being changed by youtube...
and then i thought, hmm do people just post things and then they become a celebrity on the net?
No.
You have to have something to show..
and then i thought what if i had thought about this earlier, then i could have been like them..
thats when i remembered,
"Its not what you learn that matters, its what you do with it that gives you results."

Anyway recently i have watched a few videos of talented people,
and everytime i look at them i can't help but feel this aura around them.
its just brimming with talent.
they don't even have to showcase their skills, it can be seen from the way they entered the stage.
This is when i start thinking what it is that makes them have this special aura...
i guess i will never know the answer though,
until i somehow end up like them...

I have to practice on something and stick to it ._.

blogger sucks lol

yes blogger sucks, i had to delete my last post because apparantly only half of the text is shown =.= so yea deleted the post...

><

zzzz...

so i tried to have a good sleep yesterday, but didnt work... in total i only sleep 6 hours =.=
thought i make myself tired to sleep longer but no ._. i just woke up at 6am...

anyway, thought i would perform better when bowling with jerrine, jun wen and kc...
but no =.=

okay, so i wasnt even playing seriously...
xD my fault xD haha

yea, anyway, i perfected my double handed house ball throw.
and i can perform a back up house ball xD
yup...

but yea i lost touch when bowling normally...

at first it was because i was fooling around,
then later i got a stomache from drinking too much fruit juice (one litre)
then when i tried to bowl seriously, i found myself unable to relax...
and then i realize what's wrong...

I HURT MY SPINE @___@
no wonder everything was off balance...
YES ITS IN TERRIBLE PAIN RIGHT NOW @___@

ouch... T_T so much for wanting to train... now i hurt a vital part of the body...

anyway, have a class outing later, but i donno if i should go T__T

Firstly, its expensive to eat outside for 20 plus dollar...
secondly, my spine freaking hurts even when i walk....
thridly, im dead tired from bowling ._.

yes, you can get tired from bowling,
and when u are bowling professionally, its really really really exhausting...

seems like a slacky cca huh? play game for two hours in air-con room

lol WRONG...
its not that slacky in the physical part...
its quite tough...
speaking from experience
Of course it can't be compared to basketball and the hellish training i have few years ago,
but as a normal cca, its quite tough le...

secondly, bowling is a mind game...
if u don't find yourself tired from having to hold a half squat position for almost two hours,
then u WILL definitely find yourself tired from the mental stress.

lol put the two together, and its really tough to bowl...
anyhow bowl is easy la, i can easily bowl up to 20 games,
but if i want to hit high score for every game i can only play up to 4 games...

lol, really im not trying to suck up to my own cca, its really quite tough.

Anyway... /( >A< )/ MY SPINE REALLY HURTS @___@
sian... T__T

edit

lol, i came back and look at my post when i realize another mistake

in my drawing of bou, his headgear was off O_O
i think i was too sleepy when drawing that, no wonder his headpiece look so out of place,
it wasnt fitted right xD

yea anyway, i read about bou's retirement announcement and the bands response to it..
i was so touched ><
haih, and now i shall be a good cafekko and support antic cafe all the way >=/
need to find their abulm first xD lol

BORED

hi, woke up at 10 PM...

lol
again i have nothing to do...

so oh well, might as well practice drawing abit ._.

haha, so this post will have a few photos of my sketches from my sketch book.

mind u, i using my phone to capture them xD because i have no scanner ):

someone buy me a drawing tablet too pls... xD

....

lol, if u guys see my msn nick, i think u all shud know

that im currently mad about antic cafe xD

...

anyway, i was trying to practice when i really donno what to draw...

...

happens alot of time, i just sit there and brainstorm on what to draw and then i got braindead and sian then just keep everything back...

...

anyway i went online to find a solution when i found a few ppl having the same problem as me.

and this was the comment which i found useful

...

"Also, don't pressurize yourself. If you're too hard on yourself, it gets difficult. Do enjoy the drawing"

...

that's said by the other artists in the forum xD of course he said other things, but i think this comment help the most lol.

...

anyway, as u can see, the sketch is incomplete,

yes, BOU HAS CIRCLES FOR HANDS /( @_@)\

yea.. its bou, if u can't recognize him from my ugly drawing...
anyway its incomplete because a guitar is suppose to fit there, but i still not very good at drawing one, so i will just leave it blank.

...

lol and heres a few other photos of my random sketches

trying out some new style and angles etc...

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lol, this was me trying to sketch after not practicing for donno how long.

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haha i tried to draw the this form a diff angle, but i screwed up...

...

anyway, hair inspired by Kanon from antic cafe,

but i realize i drew it wrongly the next day xD

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the bottom face is me attemping to draw a hand which blocks an attack from someone,

yes the rest of the page is filled with rough sketches of the arm xD

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anyway i didnt do a good job at it, the hand angle was wrong ._. (disappointed)

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Some attempts to draw bou based off memory ><

i found out the pig tails were not that short the next day OTL

lol yea, so wrong.

...

anyway, i tried a few styles

the one on top is a more childish style ._. rounded face...

i think its quite cute xD but its not bou ):

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the one on the bottom is another style,

more mature face and sharper eyes

(LOL, his cheek looks like its missing because of my lousy camera xD)

...

haha anyway, yea again wrong ponytail.

it was when i draw this that i realize that i donno what bou's hair from the back looks like xD

coz ponytails = hair being tied,

but from my sketch u can see no hair is being "tied" up...

haha so i went around to find the answer...

...

this was me trying to find some inspiration for something to draw and i used the soft toy that swee cheng gave me for my brithday few years ago xD

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its a little duck xD

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yea which explains the duck cap,

but caps plus ponytails... clash... BOOM

...

so yea failed attempt

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then just a few random sketch here and there... before i started on drawing the actual bou (the first pic in this post)

xD

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Anyway, after writing all this, i realize its good to post a pic and self-assess it ._.

i mean i do self assess my work,

but most of the time i just forget them,

but by actually writing (typing) them out, it got inprinted into my memory xD

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still its a hassle to do this,

firstly i have shaky fingers, so i have to shoot a few times before i got one thats not blurred out...

and i have to use a cd box + calculator + psp + casing to hold my camera in place so that the angle is not altered ._. and can see the sketch exactly the way it is.

then when i post it on this blog, it screws up for some reason ._.

hate blogger, my spacing in between means something,

but i have to use the "..." so that it wont read them as uneccasry space and leave them out ><

yea anyway, comments, criticism are welcome ><

just be more professional in them...

Im bored...

hi,
back for another post,
since i have freaking nothing to do right now ._.
My life is pretty interesting right now...
because during the morning and afternoon, u can see me in bed ._. sleeping...
and when the sky became dark,
I raise from the bed slowly and crawl out to find food :F
Rawr, im a vampire!!!
yea, and as u can see from the time i posted this, i will be awake for the whole "morning"
till around 10am where the sun gets too bright for my activities D: ahhhhh
lolz...
sucks...
cant get to sleep unless im really tired...
and im still sick...
-cough- -cough-
yea, and my left ear is stuck for almost three days le ._.

okay...
so my life is not very interesting right now ._.
wake up, find food, look around youtube, listen to music, and then back to sleep again.
mind u, all that happen during the night ._. so i can't go out to have fun T_T
not like it will be fun going out ALONE...
=.= zzz, most ppl are just too concern over who is going and they forget that its their OWN choice whether they wan go or not...
"lets go play pool"
"who going?"
"erm, i ask x and y and you, so far only x confirm"
"huh, so little ppl going?" (like duh, how many u want? 8 ppl share one table???)
"so u going?"
"hmm, if y going then i go.."
y: " i donno le.."
the next day.....
y:" i think i don't go le, very tired" (okay, ure tired, i understand =.=)
"huh? y not going le? then i don't go le..."
x: "huh? only u and me? wha, i dont wan go le.."
me: o_o.... okay.... now what do i do... back to com i guess, hmm maybe i ask some ppl go watch movie at night.

AND THEN THE SAME THING HAPPENS =.=
except the inclusion of a few late replys etcetc...

yes its hard getting people to come out, because they are busy ._.

ahhh..
by right, im suppose to study, but so far, i havent even dig out my notes yet...
die le die le..
haih oh well...

anyway, theres a few stuff i wan to get done be4 holidays is over ._.
1) go seol garden with a few people
2) settle my electric guitar lessons
3) practice drawing for one week
4) stick to my training plan for one week
5) stick to john kehoe's mind power training
6) get my sleeping pattern corrected
7) study for exam
8) re-organize my room ._.

yea, hopefully i can do all that ._.

i hate holidays...

Hi, back for another post...
recently i have manage to break my high score by a decent amount xD
new high score is 202 >< but then my second game is around 183 which also broke my previous score of 177. in other words, I HAVE MOVED UP ANOTHER LEVEL XD yayee....

well, that is something to cheer about...

apart from that, i can only report that my life right now is...
Rotten.
thats the word my mother used, which is quite right ._.
F.Y.I, she did not used that word to scold me xD just commented on my state of life...

yea, recently i have been playing some games here and there, living in my crampy room, eating cup noodles, sleeping in the afternoon and playing in the night ._.
actually its more like i can't help but live in my crampy room, since no shops are open in the middle of the night except those that sell cup noodles.

my clothes are left unwashed for a few days (just got them wash today)
and my room is in a terrible state.

These few days i have been trying again to live up to my dream, yet i realize it has become even further than ever...
why? why can't i notice sooner? now i'm running out of time...
yea, and its time like this that i realize my life sucks...
and when u realize life sucks, u began to stop living it.
thats what happen to me during the first half of the year.
so now that i notice that, i blog about it first to save me from going deeper into the emo hole...

hope i don't repeat the cycle...
tried drawing again...
cannot...
it sucks...

my physique?
haih, in the drain...
and recently i saw this old man doing tai chi...
he was incredible, able to lift and hold the leg up like that... especially at that age...
i can't even do that ._.

and my knees started to hurt again for god know's what reason.
perhaps its due to my lack of sleep.

yea, i'm still feeling sick, and my face is filled with little dots...
along with my panda eyes, i look like im suffering from drug withdrawals...
i'm sick of my life...

OH GOSH, I TYPED IT OUT @_@
but its true, at this current moment, i am sick of my life...

but now its different,
for the first half of the year i forgot how i used to be,
but now that i remember,
i can do stuff to make my life less suckier...

first i have to get out of this rotten state.

Anyway, some other stuff to say,
i think it would make the world a better place to live in, if ppl would cut down on vulgarities, and show some respect to each other, instead of mocking them to bootlick someone else.
i mean when u challenged someone with power, u need reasons, but the bootlickers around them use vulgarities and jokes to shut u up. i hate bootlickers =.=